A Beautiful mess

I am a beautiful mess, fucked up, fragile, damaged & working my way back to good, who knows if I will get there. Some days I love me & others not so much.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

why me

Divorce the big D? why me? I loved him desperately, I did I do & I can't. Who he is & what we are are no longer the same. I do not want this, any of this! I want to be married, I want to have a child, I want to be normal, & happy. Instead I am going to be 38, no children divorced unemployed & homeless. It's so hard to feel blessed & to be thankful when I don't want to, I am hurting, I am hurting, I am fucking Angry How could he do this to me. Why did he do this to us. I want to go home, I want to sip coffee from old cups in my mom & Dad's back yard, i want to listen to the flocks of birds steel steed from the feeders, I want to lay on there couch in 2 day old clothes & watch stupid old TV shows & drink in what is my family. Dog hair, & cigarettes & knowing that I am loved always.
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1 comment:

  1. UnknownFebruary 1, 2013 at 5:25 PM

    Oh I didn't know you smoked! Yep the dog hair and cigarettes and watching junk TV sounds like a very sad way to live..but oohh so tempting at times. That dream of being "normal" is a powerful motivator, you are beyond normal..way better than so. How bout magnificent? I just still can't see how he let you go. Absolutely foolish.

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